Before you begin reading my post, I would like to direct you to this post from
Johnny and then you can return to my blog if you would like to hear my response to
Johnny's post.
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Johnny emailed me a couple weeks ago (along with some other waiting gals already with kids at home) and sent us an early addition to a post he was publishing today. I must begin by saying that Johnny's blog is one of my favorites because he sometimes seems like one of the few calm ones in the bunch. Johnny always seems ( I realize looks can be deceiving) so calm about the wait. It's a guy thing, right Johnny? Yep, Jeff is the same way. I was quite honored that Johnny asked me to participate. Perhaps, it is because he feels like I'm a prime example of a woman waiting for my baby (with 3 bio kids at home) that is losing her mind over this never ending wait. Yep, I'm hanging on by a very thin red thread.
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I want to begin by saying that I have given this subject quite a bit of thought during the wait for our daughter. I had actually thought about doing a post about waiting with children vs. waiting without children, but never seemed to get around to it. There have been many times that I will come across a blog of a childless couple that is also waiting for their adopted child. Many times they have chosen to adopt because they have had problems with infertility. I often think, MY GOD, I can't believe all that they have been through and now THIS! It's just not fair! I have had days of MAJOR guilt because I sit here complaining about the wait and I have three beautiful children at home. It MOST certainly makes the wait MUCH easier to handle because I am so busy with my kids. I can't even imagine how much slower time would pass if I didn't have my kids. Why is it then that some days (not ALL) I feel like I'm losing my mind over the wait for our daughter? It's because I have NO control over what could happen. Must. Be. In. Control. It drives my crazy that I am at the mercy of the CCAA and at any point during this process they could decide that we are not suitable enough to adopt one of their beautiful babies. If I was told today that I wouldn't have my daughter for another two years but, I WOULD HAVE MY DAUGHTER, I swear to all of you that I would relax. I love my family and I enjoy my children, BUT I have this never ending feeling that someone is missing. That someone is Ava. I am so in love with this little girl and we have never met. The fact that I have opened up my heart and there is even the slightest chance that requirements for adopting could change, this late in the game, or my fears of China shutting down their international adoption program completely, is what is driving me insane. It is the reason that I have not started the nursery. You see, even if I do already have three beautiful children, I still long for the baby that isn't here yet. Is she already born? I wonder if she being taken care of. I wonder if she is feeling loved. I miss her. It's a mother thing. I also wonder why it is that everything has to be such a big secret. Why is it that our agencies can't pick up the phone and call the CCAA and be told approximately when referrals are being sent and an approximate date of the cut off and pass it along to the waiting families? Why do we still have to wonder why things really slowed down and wonder if there is a chance that things will ever pick up again? That my friends, is the reason that some days I feel like I'm losing my mind. It's a control thing. It's the unknown. It's a mother that is missing her baby.
I WOULD LIKE TO SEND A HUGE THANK YOU TO CONNIE FOR GIVING MY BLOG SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MAKE-OVER! CONNIE ISN'T EVEN COMPLETELY DONE WITH THE TOTAL MAKE-OVER. SHE IS STILL PLANNING ON PUTTING A FEW DOO-HICKEYS ON THE SIDEBAR AND ADDING A CLOCK WITH CHINA TIME (I BEGGED FOR THE CLOCK BECAUSE I HAVE TRIED AND TRIED TO ADD ONE WITHOUT ANY SUCCESS!). I ASK YOU, HOW ON EARTH COULD IT GET ANY COOLER? THANK YOU CONNIE! YOU'RE THE BEST!!!!!!!!
