Thursday, January 10, 2008

WAITING IS HARD WHEN YOU'RE 7



Waiting for Ava is truly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. It's so difficult for me wondering "when" and "if" Ava will be here and not knowing from one day to the next what the future holds with the China adoption program. Can you even imagine how hard it must be when you're only seven years old? Ian wants his baby sister more than ANYTHING in the world. ANYTHING.

Ian has wanted a baby sister since he was about three years old. I would pick him up from daycare and he would talk many times on the way home about wanting a baby sister. I have to say that although I have always wanted to adopt from China (since 1991 when I read an article on China when I was pregnant with Hope), it was Ian that started the ball rolling. Many days I would sit and dream of our little girl from China while Ian was expressing his thoughts for a baby sister.

Ian talks all the time about Ava. He questions all the time if I think Ava is awake or asleep and what I think she might be doing. He announced on Christmas that he loves Ava MORE than his Christmas presents (and when you're seven....That's saying something). He wonders why we can't just dig a hole and go and bring her home. He said once that he wanted to go and stay with her in China because he didn't want her to alone or scared. This morning while I was driving him to school he asked if there is snow in China. China and Ava are always on his mind.

Last night, Jeff and I were discussing the latest news from our agency regarding the adoption (and the removal of "the box"). In the letter we received from our agency, they state that things will start to pick up in 2009. Believe me, I'm happy to hear that they think this will happen (I'm not totally convinced), but the fact that we started our adoption in August, 2005 (!!!) doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It appears that things will continue to slow down for 2008 (although they stated in an email to me that the U.S. will continue to get referrals and travel approvals during the Olympics because our consulate is not located in Beijing...That's wonderful news!) and then pick up during 2009. Jeff and I were talking about the fact that we believe that it won't be long (in the next year or so) that we feel that China will shut the doors to international adoption and Ian heard those words. And he cried. I can't believe that he understood what closing the doors to international adoption meant, but he did.

Jeff and I tried to tell him that China has promised that those of us in this long line WILL receive a baby. We promised him that no matter what he WILL have a baby sister named Ava (although, making this promise scared the hell out of me).

I just wonder if the C*C*A*A* ever REALLY understands how much this wait (and the fact that we're kept in the dark) hurts adoptive families?........Even a seven year old feels the pain of this wait. I hope they know that.

15 Comments:

Blogger Doris & Dan said...

He is just the sweetest. His logic is one that I share sometimes (Can`t I just go?)

I also hope they know and realize. Hugs to you and esp. Mr Ian.

11:30 AM  
Blogger LaLa said...

This made me tear up..what a sweetie!!!

3:08 PM  
Blogger sea star said...

I thought the wait was hard for me, but the wait has been even harder on our boys. G & C talk about her all the time. Garrett informed said his Christmas would have been perfect if his sister was here.

~This wait is hard for everyone.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Tasha said...

It's touching to hear how this even effects (or is it affects? I never get those two right)siblings.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Truly Blessed said...

I agree. This wait is much harder than just about anything else I've ever experienced. It is doubly hard on the children who want everything two minutes ago! So sorry for Ian, but he'll soldier on (seven year olds have a way of doing that). I sure wish it would speed up -- at least if they could be consistent so people could PLAN! That's what is so incredibly hard about this wait.

10:51 PM  
Blogger OziMum said...

I so hear ya. Harry (6) is always asking when *)^% is coming home (hahaha... did you like the name avoidance?!!) Its especially hard for him to get, why, when we're in China in April, we won't be bringing her home. Harry is desperate for her to come to Disneyland with us....
*sigh*
I've resorted to answering his questions with "one day we'll get a phone call, and we'll have a little girl... but I don't know when".

10:58 PM  
Blogger Ashley Winters said...

Waiting is very difficult no matter what the age. My daughter cried and cried during our wait for Mei Mei, but she did finally come home and so will your son's. Tell him that miracles do happen and his Mei Mei is out there!

PS. I have good friend who is also awaiting her referral with a March 2006 LID. May you both hear good news soon.

7:30 AM  
Blogger Made in China said...

I can so relate to this post. My son Francis (almost 7) was exactly the same. We started the adoption process when he was 3 but changed agencies and countries several times. The wait was so hard on him. We also had many discussions about if his sister was ever coming home. It used to break my heart. I felt like the wait was killing me but it was worse to see your own child suffer from the wait.
All that said, we finally got our daughter this summer. He couldn't have been more thrilled. Recently,I was reading him a bedtime story and he said; "remember when we used to talk about my sister and wonder if she was ever going to get here?? Well now she's really here - isn't that so cool??"
:o)

8:08 AM  
Blogger i-Con said...

Poor guy. My adult heart breaks with the lengthening wait. It really does hurt to imagine it from the perspective of a seven year old child.

Ava will come. She will.

12:59 PM  
Blogger redmaryjanes said...

This post hits home for us. Our children are now afraid that they will be graduated from high school and gone before their youngest sister arrives and I can't give them any encouragement that that won't be the case. This is hard for everyone involved. The CCAA just said 3 months ago that things would pick up and referrals would come in 2 week batches in 2008.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Pug Mama said...

left you a award on my blog.
Now go book your ticket woman!!!!!!!!

10:02 AM  
Blogger Lynn said...

Tell Ian I am with him... it's hard when you're 42 too...

5:53 PM  
Blogger Lisa M. said...

Waiting is hard when you are 38 too. Poor little dude. I feel his pain. (first time to your blog, HOLA!)

11:46 PM  
Blogger J said...

B is having the same struggle. However, I such a chicken about dealing with the subject we hardly even talk about the adoption. I am so hoping we can start to some positive adoption conversations soon.

Hugs to you and Ian,
Joanne and B

7:34 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Ian is a love!

5:44 PM  

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