All I want for Christmas is my I-171H

Dear Immigration Officer:
I realize you must be extra busy with the holiday quickly approaching. You are trying to pick out just the right gifts for family and other immigration co-workers. You are trying to schedule a new set of fingernails before that office Christmas party. You are trying to find just the right outfit to wear to hide those extra pounds from Thanksgiving. You have just got to get in and get your roots touched up before the big day. When will you ever find the time to get all this done? Listen to me, Missy Pants and listen real good.....Don't even think of doing any of this during work. You are already way behind! As of December 8 it says online that you are working on applications from August!!!!!!! Other immigration officer's are making you look bad.....real bad. Just think how good you would feel if you cleared your desk off before Christmas. I bet if you just started approving all the applications on your desk you would feel your heart grow and grow and grow.